New job

My friend texted me earlier today to tell me (unofficially) that I'd be receiving the call for the job as the board had approved me. I was excited and couldn't wait to go to lunch with Chuck and Alex, to celebrate, on our way to pick up my truck from the shop. The supervisor called while we were driving. There seemed to be some confusion surrounding my question about the county that I'd be working in - she told me the two counties and then asked if it would be a problem. I assured her that I didn't particularly care which county I'd be working in, I'd simply been asked by everyone that I told about the possible job - seemed funny that I'd never inquired afterall. At least I didn't think it would be strange to inquire where I'd be working. It was immediately clear that this subject must have been a point of contention in the past. In any case I start Thursday. Here's to hoping it's a good match. Obviously I can't say for certain since I haven't worked the job yet, but seems silly that any counselor would have an issue with particular counties. A case is a case that needs attention is a case. Until I reach a level of specialization, licensure, etc., what could make the difference between suffering group of people #1 and suffering group of people #2?

I have my truck back. $600 in repairs. The AC works - through the floor vents and the dashboard, NOT through the vents that actually blow on you... and the custom speakers that the previous owner of my truck had installed in the front? Yeah, they're currently disconnected because the mechanic couldn't figure out how to put them back together... About an hour ago I took Alex to get a milk shake. The interior light didn't come on when I opened the door.. apparently THAT no longer works either. Now, the mechanic knew that things weren't fixed, he told Chuck. Since the mechanic was at a different shop but same company that Chuck works for, Chuck's boss said that he'll pay for the repairs at a dealership. This will require an appointment and not having my truck for a week to three weeks.. during which time I'd be driving what exactly?? So basically I paid $600 for a job that will require another possible three weeks to be completed correctly.. Every so often THIS kind of incompetent stuff gets to me!

Tomorrow is my last day "off" before I begin working.. I guess I'll be using the day to prepare some lunches for Alex and get my clothes in order. I might even push the envelope and do something physical. My determination waned in the last two weeks as I allowed one thing after another to get in the way of my walking. I'm feeling down about letting my activity lapse into total inactivity. On top of all the "good" feelings, every other word out of my mouth is turning into an argument with Alex. Not exactly how I wanted to go off to work. But then again, since when does anything go the way I would wish? What would be the growth process in that....

iPod motivation

Seems unreal but yes, a tiny little sensor on my shoe and an expensive MP3 player capable of amazing technological feats - including tracking my workouts - appears to be almost completely responsible for my newfound motivation. I've never kept track of miles or calories, or had a way to do so. It really does amaze me that I have that kind of capability now AND the difference that it makes in my desire to get out there and go again!

So far, 4 walks, 13.11km, on track for my goal of 12 workouts in 4 weeks, and have burned 1142 calories out of my June goal of 2600. This is quite possibly the best start I've ever had for a "fitness" routine - with the exception of the gym that I joined with a slightly psychotic friend/c0-worker from my Eat n' Park days. This feels d0-able.. which makes all the difference in whether or not I'll be motivated enough to stick with it. Biggest motivator besides the awesome technology of Apple? My ankle has been holding up pretty well with the major increase in physical activity. Lord knows my mood has improved exponentially - as I knew it would. I'm just so afraid that something will derail me, but I've gotta get over that fear/anxiety ASAP.

Last but not least, I answered a friend's message and got some pertinent advice incidentally. I haven't seen or talked to this friend for more than 15 minutes since we graduated with our undergrad in Psychology. But he pointed out the very stupidly overlooked possibility of doing some rate and part-time work for now. That would actually be a fabulous idea for the summer - the ability to pay some seriously worrying bills AND still have a boatload of free time to enjoy all the joys of summer with Alex. I'm out the door tomorrow with resumes in hand to smile ever so sweetly and bombard the local mental health agencies! That is of course once I get my hair out of this god-awful scunchie I've been sporting for the last week.. I think I'm ready for an ultra short cut... just another reason to lose weight.. Super short hair won't be too flattering with my double chin and extinct cheekbones..

All in all, I'm proclaiming that life is life and I will remain good no matter what plops, slithers, flounders on or attempts to infest my path! My verbal diarrhea is just that... a necessary cleansing.

One year, 5 months

For a brief moment there my blog was translating what I typed into Hindi! Not necessarily a problem, except it was translating as I was typing. I, unfortunately, do not understand Hindi.

But back to the title of my post.. It has been one year and five months since I quit smoking. The longest cessation period prior to this was 3 months, and during those 3 months I was unbearable - basically because I really didn't want to stop smoking and I couldn't handle the anxiety. I can't say that I really wanted to stop smoking this time around either. But I realized that I couldn't afford the cost of gasoline in my monster truck and indulge in clove cigarettes at the same time. We hadn't yet been approved for the loan for the truck and it was incredibly iffy that we were going to be able to secure the financing. Still, if I wanted this truck a sacrifice had to be made. I prayed. Something I hadn't done in a long, long time. But I struck a deal with my deity. If we were approved for the loan for the truck, I would quit smoking. The loan went through. I wasn't ready to stop smoking. So I rationalized that my agreement with God REALLY said that I would stop smoking once I actually HAD the truck. Always a stupid, stupid idea to try to play lawyer with God. In any case, the truck was at the mechanic, getting the engine rebuilt. Call it what you want, but that damn truck didn't get finished until I put out my last cigarette and didn't buy a new pack. The very next day the truck came home.

Since I love my truck (despite the AC's sudden and untimely death this month) it seems a more than fair trade. Of course that's before I calculate that the evaporator coil for the AC only costs about $100, but will cost over $900 in labor to replace! Since I'm not currently employed this situation causes grave irritation. But I learned some significant and wild things about myself when I gave up cigarettes. I had never realized just how anxious I was.. or how smoking helped to mask that anxiety - while at the same time adding to it with the whole nicotine addiction, it's true - but it appeared to calm everything at the time! I'm unquestionably calmer now, after the quitting, cravings, frustration, anxiety meltdowns, and removal of all of those little nicotine receptor sites in my poor beleagured brain. But every once in a while I wish for the sweet aromatic smell of cloves and the harsh inhale into my lungs. I'm glad I quit, even though I have yet to make good on the promise to achieve an amazing level of fitness with my newly healed lungs leading the charge - well that was the plan anyway.. I've saved more money than I could calculate, hopefully have removed the carcinogens (sp?) that I was pumping in to mutate cells, and no longer smell like smoke and an East Indian convention. On the other hand I've come to realize in the last few days that I enjoyed smoking and I haven't found anything to replace that enjoyment and feeling of relaxation. At this point a cigarette would taste very much like licking an ashtray - not something I'd recommend. So what do I do with my realization, since I'm not going to start smoking again?