My husband and teen daughter are sleeping the day away (11:38 am) while I've been up checking facebook and arranging my newest photos from Chincoteague island. I'm finding that "family" vacation isn't quite what it's cracked up to be. Not that I haven't enjoyed it and loved some of the experiences shared with my little family, because I have. But the relaxing factor hasn't really been present. Three distinct and individual personalities do not seem to have much hope of synchronized relaxation - especially when they have three distinct and varied agendas. My husband's agenda seems to be to do as little as possible. He will cheerfully do the driving and stop at EVERY last 7/11 in the area for "snacks" (aka junk food) and chances to win "prizes" on Farmville - which I regret ever introducing him to.. but his vacation focus seems to be food, sleep, and in his words "man needs". My daughter is more open to experiences, threw herself willingly into the ocean, but still has her eye on the favorite past time of almost every American teenager - shopping. I'm not against some shopping but hubby is not inclined while not on vacation, let alone while on vacation. This causes a fraction of friction. As for myself, yesterday's drive to Chincoteague was the best part for me thus far.
Chuck and I have been together for 21 years this past June. There is no reasonable summation of that time spent together. During those 21 years we have taken one vacation together, to Naggshead NC, roughly 13 yrs ago while I was 6 & 1/2 months pregnant with our daughter. In the intervening years it has been a struggle to live life. There were no vacation plans and definitely no vacation money. We have managed the odd weekend here or there as a family to Ligoner, Somerset, Ohiopyle, etc., but that has been the extent. My daughter and I took a week to Kentucky to see one of my dearest friends a few years ago, which was the highlight of our combined experiences. Our first flight in a plane together, first extended stay in a hotel together, first foray into a different state together, and we had the additional blessing of being guided around by my friend who knows the pulse of her city. I had begun, years ago, taking small weekender trips to connect with sister friends that I had met on the Ya Ya boards. These trips were liberating and restorative for me. But as a family, this is our first family vacation together. It was clear to me the importance this had for our daughter. Hearing the stories of her friends at school about family vacations she would come home and ask quite innocently why we didn't go anywhere. If nothing else this current vacation is satisfying on that level of answering that question for her.
We are, combined, quite a dynamic team/family. But we are not accustomed to compromise and travelling together has brought into focus some sharp angles, pointed elbows and crooked teeth. My vision of the happy travelling family is not in flames exactly, but there are singe marks and the trip is not yet over. I'm a human observer and so I observe my family... with mixed emotions. You can grow strong by never having the things you want/need. But you can also grow strong by the support that lifts you to a higher level for your flight into this world. I've come up the hard scrabble way. I'm tough like beef jerky, but my insides are a little too tender. Maybe I'm a soft shell crab, fried into a sandwich. Keep chewing and don't investigate when you get to some "interesting" flavors. I watch the strange evolving relationship between my husband and daughter with some inability to keep my mouth shut. Why do we live in a world that appears to be scrabbling, never having enough, when there is an abundance available, overflowing the brim? Perception makes fools or sages of us all. The journey isn't nearly over.
Along with these rambling thoughts there is the exploration of this new environment. Virginia beach with it's overpopulated, yet surprisingly calm and peaceful, tourist laden beachfront. Glaringly obvious was the deficient parenting skills; the overwhelming insecurity of parents bent into grotesque contortions trying to please their 3 and 5 year old children instead of teaching them, molding them, correcting their tantrums and expecting "better" behavior. I see such a lack of expectations and standards, not just in parenting, but in our American lifestyles and it sickens me. Far removed from disdain and disgust, this nauseous feeling in my gut springs from a sharp fear of where this burgeoning society is rapidly heading. We're picking up speed, losing control, and racing towards a chasm of unknown depths. On Chincoteague island, a place of indescribable stark beauty, there was an impression of tenacity in the landscape, the people and the houses. Chincoteague isn't English. Where are the people, who were they, in what language were so many burghs, towns and cities named? Maybe the locals know. There was an absence of placards for the tourist to learn from. There were also exceedingly rude people swarming the carnival to raise money for the Chincoteague fire department - you know, the whole reason for the pony swim? According to the website, over 40,000 "mainlanders" travel to this event, not to mention people from out of state, such as my family. In general I was just rolled in the wave of realization of how we have lost our manners.. and it doesn't become us. Small town feel, some generous locals extending welcome to the tourists whose summer trade will feed their families through the winter months, but overwhelmingly Americans with their sticky, grubby fingers grasping, coveting, wanting more to shove into the void of their lives - that great gaping maw that is infinite and insatiable. Not a pleasant realization to have while milling the crowds entranced by the beauty of feral horses and listening to surprisingly good country music from a stage upon which these locals give their all to keep their way of life. There is beauty amidst the revolting and that is what I appreciate most about this life.
I started out writing this irritated by my family's extended slumber on our "last" full day of vacation. Instead I was handed an unexpected gift of time to empty some of the overfull thoughts bloating my mind. I'm not an experienced vacationer. Maybe that contributes to my gratitude for unexpected things.
