Chaotic Moments

I'm just coming to the conclusion that if it's not chaotic, it's not life.. my daughter takes nothing I say literally, UNLESS it's something I didn't mean literally.. that seems to be some weird childhood rule. I told her that if they wanted her hair black for the play that I would put in a temporary dye, but that since no one had mentioned the need for such to me, I wasn't going to do it and she didn't need her hair any darker. Well, lo and behold, tonight during their dress rehearsal they tried to spray some stuff in her hair (for the pictures) and she stood up to them and announced, "My mother said if my hair needs to be darker, she'll put the dye in my hair" and she wouldn't let them spray her hair! Now there's a part of me that is howling, glad she stood up for herself.. but there is also another part of me that is ripping out my own hair because she took something I said so literally! Too bad she doesn't take it literally when I say it's bedtime or time to clean up her room or do her homework, etc... Anyway, apparently the makeup people also have issue with how thick her hair is and the fact that I didn't put it up in a bun.. ya see my ESP radar has been out all week, so I didn't get the mind waves they were sending!!!...... I'm frustrated and sick of the weird arse vibe I'm getting from the people involved in this play.. I don't do "strange" for too long with out some kind of explanation! I am looking forward to finally seeing the finished product, but Thank GOD it'll be over after Friday.. I'm not cut out for this kind of drama and melodramatic BS.. definitely not a stage mom, that's for sure. Also feeling out of sorts for a bunch of un-named reasons. Just having a rough time getting through the daily.. Can't wait for spring break to get here. I need to sleep for at least two days solid.

Untitled

Perhaps I shall always be
so befuddled by the vagaries
space, time, perfect
mathematical equations,

adoring their rigid, precise lines
even while loathing
the isolation,
imposed by my mind,
unable to grasp the slippery concepts,
without patient
and repeated, repeated, repeated
instruction,
and even then,
a little off center...
too unwieldy,
gelatinous bulk quivering
on toe point,
precarious indeed, before
the high wire is added,

I live messily,
despite my teeth gnashing for order,
I move with moods
like the weather,
hurricane subsiding into benevolent rain,
always becoming what I feel,
shapeshifter, I am
often weary
with the energy
necessary to rearrange,
unconsciously...
puzzle pieces sorted
by the wind,
ignoring sunburnt shoulders,
parchment rasping beneath cotton,
to bask in the sun's kiss,
eyes closed before the holy
morning movements,
birdsong, tree sway,
wind ruffled leaves..

I am a different sort of chaos,
conflicted, drifting lazily
until aroused,
longing, always yearning
for stability,
while ever seeking
the wild and uncontrollable,
remaining a mystery
unto myself,
irritating, itching to spread
like poison ivy
on unsuspecting skin.

Maybe a controversial poem..

..but education tends to rip the blinders off..

~ America ~

We wrestle shadows, we
Change the world, we
Scream the loudest, we
Bleed from cuts, we
Made ourselves, we
So self-righteous, we
Have too much, we
Always want more, we
Techno wizards, we
Sell our children, we
Buy our bodies, we
Starve our neighbors, we
Kill nay-sayers, we
So powerful, we
Murder life, we
Crucify freedom, we
Will not stop.

switching houses so to speak

Welcome and glad ya made it! Had to switch blog spots because I'm about to cut AOL loose.. so we'll see how this one works out. Not much else to report at the moment. I'm going to be attempting to move my old posts here, so if I'm incommunicado, that's what I'm up to (besides stats abstracts and snooze-a-rific stuff)